Almost

Well, he is gone now. I am not nearly as sad as I expected...But maybe I am more sad. He is going to Thailand for a month long Thai boxing camp before he goes to England. I was supposed to go to Vietnam at next week for my holiday, but he has asked me to come to Chiang Mai, and I am going. He has only been gone two days, and I am still sifting through the rubble of my life trying to make sense of it. I went hard, it went fast. It was unexpected and beautiful.

A Meeting of the Minds

When KF's ex-girlfriend left I bought her mountain bike off her. It took he and I months to finally hook up for the exchange, and when we did it was this amazing conversation. He started to call, and come around. I felt pursued, but not in a romantic way. I have since told him that I found his intentions a bit confusing back then. I loved our conversations, but we really were the "most coupley non-couple, ever". He said that he was confused at the time too. He wasn't looking to get involved with anyone, but could not stay away. These conversations were really amazing. Both of us have expressed that even if we had never "got involved" we would both look back on our friendship and that period of time as special.

A Meeting of the Bodies

Well, we all know how the first one happened... And then went bad. But he made amends for his fuck up, and we were better friends for it. Our Non-couple status was taken to a new level. We pretty much did everything together, except that. We watched movies in my bed. We cooked dinner together. We went out drinking. Where I was invited, so was he. We didn't bother to send each other the group texts rallying a group to go out, because we were both in on the planning. Then one Thursday night, just like any other night in my mind, we went out drinking together. At the end of the night he walked me half way home and kind of announced that we should be together tonight, and should it be my place or his? I twitched, I stuttered, I did my indecision dance. He hopped up on a car to watch the show with a cheeky glint in his eye. I told him, no...I was not willing to risk him fucking up again. I liked us, it was too good, and not worth putting in jeopardy for a shag. I liked this...But I also liked 'this' and kissed him. He assured me that he too liked us, and would not fuck it up this time. We shagged all night, and called in sick Friday and shagged all day. And spent the weekend together. The next week he spent everynight but one at my house...

A Meeting of the Hearts


KF has some emotional stuff that he opened up to me. I have some emotional stuff that I opened up to him. I am sure the fact that he was leaving made it safer to open up. But whatever the reasons, we opened up; no guards, no games.The next week was intense and wonderful. Friday night was his birthday party. Lying in bed the next morning, reflecting on the night; the people that had touched him in Taiwan, the people he was going to miss. He rolled over and told me he was going to miss me. He also told me something else. I was shocked. I come from a past of not saying it, knowing it, but not saying it. I, again, stuttered, thought for a moment, and said it back. I felt it. It was true. I love him. He is not even the same person I met a year ago. He is amazing and sensitive, sooo intelligent, and thoughtful. He has touched my life. I am forever changed for him. He has rejuvenated my faith in love, and raised the bar. I thank the universe for bringing him into my life

In five days I fly to Bangkok. I am spending three days there decompressing before I fly up north to see him. I am going to take some yoga classes, and a Thai cooking course. We are going to see what we are like outside this fishbowl named Taiwan. After two weeks I will fly back here. He will fly back to England to take his Masters. I will move on with my life, and he will move on with his. Who knows what the future holds. In my heart of hearts I don't believe that he and I are going to 'work out' or end up together, but I have been wrong before. The thing is, it doesn't matter. Right now, I love and am loved!