Reflections on a Fantastic Weekend

I have had the BEST couple days...hurrah!

Friday night I stayed in to finish the paper I am writing for the online course I am taking. It is 4 weeks overdue (I am the QUEEN of extensions) and has been hanging over my head and nagging at my self worth for about 2 months. It's done, I feel good about it, and I am even more sure about this program.(online mutli-disciplinary palliative care certificate).

He came over for a bit as he was going out with dave and leah for drinks. It was awkward and strained, but oh well. I went to bed at about 2 and my step dad visited me. Alexis was killed in an accident 13 years ago now. He and my mom had been together for 10 years, and he and I had a special bond. I have a picture of us dancing at my highschool graduation and the pride on his face brought tears to my eyes even when he was alive. Since he died he has visited me a few times in my dreams. It is different then a normal dream though. Friday night he asked me to hand him a 1/8 wrench, whatever that means. As soon as I said "here you go Al" I realized I was dreaming, and that he wasnt really supposed to be there, and it was stolen time and that I just had to let it fill me up while I could. He was a fixer-a 'monkey'er. So on Friday night, I held in the tears and handed him tools and we fixed stuff together. His hands looked just like I remember them.

Saturday I met my friend Iris to go see her Buddhist master. After some suprisingly comforting rituals, we sat down with this lady who had eyes that pierced my soul. Although Iris was translating she always spoke to me, and looked into my eys. It was brief, but I was left feeling comfoted and elated at the same time. She told me I had a beautiful heart. She told me things I already knew, but needed to hear. He was not the man for me, I gave more than he did, time to move on. She told me that I deserve a better, higher paying job. She blessed (?) some money to burn, put the ash in hot water, let the ash settle and take 3 sips of the water. This is for when I need a mood elevation - I have been a bit down. She was wonderful.

Saturday night my friend had a "let's french" party. French costume, french food, some brutal attemts at the language. I went Bridgette Bardot-ish. Leah and I went for a lovely hair wash and I had a sexy buffaunt going on. It was a great night where I met people that I didnt know, touched base with others that I know but don't see often enough. I flirted my ass off, have a date for next weekend and had this guy - who most people think is hot, but I always said was cute, but not my type, too boyish , who I had only properly met that night - come tell me he was leaving and then "I want to tell you that you look absalutely ravishing tonight." RAVISHING!! How fucking cool is that? Not beautiful, not sexy - ravishing. Boys, for the record, that is a good one. That's one way to become my type quickly..haha! My friend Holly and I danced till 5 and back to mine for a girlie sleepover. Sunday was breakfast with the girls, submit my paper, over to another friend, Ruth's for pizza and movies. Chilling out hangover day. Purrfect ending to really, a perfect weekend.

OH, OH, OH...tea with ruth tonight. Little bit of talk about him, and it dawned on me, and I said it out loud (and then cried, but that's not the point)

"I am glad that I am not with him anymore"

wow!! yay! It feels so good. No regrets, no annomosity, just happy that it turned out this way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!