Surfacing
A lot has happened. It has been intense, crazy, scary and wonderful. As I prepared for the girlie holiday of a lifetime my heart was weighed down with opposing forces. The boy, the one that left, the one that broke my heart, the one that couldn't wait, figured out that he could. We figured out that we didn't want to be going through this life without each other. He decided to come back. He would be returning the day that I got back from Thailand.
As my heart was dancing and soaring, other news came through. My mom had a lump in her breast. She has been Cancer free for 5 years. She had 3 tumours in as many years removed from her uterus, abdomen area. Now a malignant tumour in her breast. They were going to do a double masectomy, and a single lymphectomy.
For the first time in, if not my whole life, than a very long time, I had a plan. KF and I would work here until August. In September we would go to India and volunteer at a hospice for 2 months. We would travel to Nepal and do a trek and meditation retreat. We would come back to Taiwan to pick up PaoPao and be back in Canada for the build up to Christmas. I am ready to be home. I have not been ready to be home in sooo long. I want to be home, close to my family. Suddenly I -wanted it-NOW. Nothing calls you home like your parents mortality. I talked to my mom. I talked to my dad. My dad is sort of my canary. My mom would never tell me she wanted me to come home for her. Not for her illness. My mom and dad are good enough friends that my mom would talk to him, but their is enough distance that she would not feel the need to protect him enough to be honest with him. I decided, not lightly and not on my own, not to run home.
My mom had her surgery. My grandma and my aunt were there. They are at my grandma's house. She is recovering well. It was a high grade tumour, it had not metastasized, it was not in the lymph nodes or the blood. It was not a secondary cancer from the ovarian/uterine cancer. She doesn't think that she will do radiation or chemo.
The holiday was truly amazing. It was everything that I could have asked for a holiday to be, and more. I got to know my girls better than I thought I could. I had time to reflect on the impending life changes. We partied, we relaxed, we frolicked and played. It was exactly what my should needed. We said goodbye to our lovely Linds, and she is now playing house in NZ with that lovely boy of hers. I miss her like crazy. This girl dropped everything to be at my side in my times of need. Never judging, only listening. This girl called me on it when I was being an ass. This woman is wise beyond her years, with a heart so pure it makes me aspire to be a better person, just thinking of her. I will see her again.
Last week we also said goodbye to my cousin, my sister, by bestie, Leah. Although I will see her sooner, it is a big whole out of my life. I came to Taiwan with her. I didn't go more than a day without at least some texts. She is wise, and silly. She is spiritual and grounded. She knows me, and I her, like only family can. Sometimes we have expectations, concerns, hurt feelings, that only come from knowing someone too well, thinking that we know what is best for someone. We are closer for it. I am grateful for my time in Taiwan, if for nothing else, than for what it has brought to my relationship with this amazing woman. Where she is, is a factor in my next step in life.
All of these goodbyes softened by the most wonderful of reunions. He has been here for just over a month and I fall in love with him more and more everyday. He is good and pure and loves me with all his heart. He is the picture beside the definition of a good man. My heart dances as I think of him. It is good and sacred and as a result I will not be writing too much about it. But here, and through all of the dark, he is my light.
As my heart was dancing and soaring, other news came through. My mom had a lump in her breast. She has been Cancer free for 5 years. She had 3 tumours in as many years removed from her uterus, abdomen area. Now a malignant tumour in her breast. They were going to do a double masectomy, and a single lymphectomy.
For the first time in, if not my whole life, than a very long time, I had a plan. KF and I would work here until August. In September we would go to India and volunteer at a hospice for 2 months. We would travel to Nepal and do a trek and meditation retreat. We would come back to Taiwan to pick up PaoPao and be back in Canada for the build up to Christmas. I am ready to be home. I have not been ready to be home in sooo long. I want to be home, close to my family. Suddenly I -wanted it-NOW. Nothing calls you home like your parents mortality. I talked to my mom. I talked to my dad. My dad is sort of my canary. My mom would never tell me she wanted me to come home for her. Not for her illness. My mom and dad are good enough friends that my mom would talk to him, but their is enough distance that she would not feel the need to protect him enough to be honest with him. I decided, not lightly and not on my own, not to run home.
My mom had her surgery. My grandma and my aunt were there. They are at my grandma's house. She is recovering well. It was a high grade tumour, it had not metastasized, it was not in the lymph nodes or the blood. It was not a secondary cancer from the ovarian/uterine cancer. She doesn't think that she will do radiation or chemo.
The holiday was truly amazing. It was everything that I could have asked for a holiday to be, and more. I got to know my girls better than I thought I could. I had time to reflect on the impending life changes. We partied, we relaxed, we frolicked and played. It was exactly what my should needed. We said goodbye to our lovely Linds, and she is now playing house in NZ with that lovely boy of hers. I miss her like crazy. This girl dropped everything to be at my side in my times of need. Never judging, only listening. This girl called me on it when I was being an ass. This woman is wise beyond her years, with a heart so pure it makes me aspire to be a better person, just thinking of her. I will see her again.
Last week we also said goodbye to my cousin, my sister, by bestie, Leah. Although I will see her sooner, it is a big whole out of my life. I came to Taiwan with her. I didn't go more than a day without at least some texts. She is wise, and silly. She is spiritual and grounded. She knows me, and I her, like only family can. Sometimes we have expectations, concerns, hurt feelings, that only come from knowing someone too well, thinking that we know what is best for someone. We are closer for it. I am grateful for my time in Taiwan, if for nothing else, than for what it has brought to my relationship with this amazing woman. Where she is, is a factor in my next step in life.
All of these goodbyes softened by the most wonderful of reunions. He has been here for just over a month and I fall in love with him more and more everyday. He is good and pure and loves me with all his heart. He is the picture beside the definition of a good man. My heart dances as I think of him. It is good and sacred and as a result I will not be writing too much about it. But here, and through all of the dark, he is my light.
posted by Ang @ 6:36 p.m.
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