I'm a Rainbow Too!

"Reality continues to ruin my life." - Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Bliss

I wish I was back in Taiwan...N'T!!!

Yesterday I woke up early to get a ride into town with my dad and his girlfriend, Therese. At 8am they dropped me off at my grandma's where she was waiting impatiently. "It is going to be too hot for me to golf if we go much later!" Yes, Grammy, let's go! 9 holes, not my best game, but lots of laughs with Grams, and look around, this place is SO beautiful! Home by 9:30, let's get washed up, we're making perogies (YAYAYAY!!)

My Auntie (Leahbella's mama) showed up a few minutes later. With Grandma instructing, hovering and criticizing, we made perogies "OH Debbie, that's too much in there!", "Did you salt the water Ang?", "Oh Angie, not like that, here let me show you!" It makes me smile just thinking about it. Auntie Debbie had been staying with Grandma, so it was not nearly as endearing to her, but lots of winks, smile and long looks behind Grandma's back made it bearable for all!! After a feast of perogies (mmm perogies) we made our exit so Grandma could have her afternoon nap while watching her 'shows'.

Those who read Leah's blog (and I am pretty sure all of you do, as if it wasnt for her no one would read this dither) know that Leah's mom has recently left her partner of 18 years (known in my world as Uncle Chris). Uncle Chris lives overlooking beatiful Wood lake, and has a boat. Alot of family time was spent at Debbie and Chris's place, and summers were all about 'out on the boat'. A very selfish and superficial part of my grief over the break up of this relationship was the loss of the 'family base camp' and the boat. Auntie knew I would really like to go out on the boat, set her feeling aside for one day (GOD BLESS HER!!!) and offered to come out on the boat. (you need three, as you need a spotter) I spent the afternoon bouncing over the wake on Big Bertha, then floating peacefully in the middle of the lake on her. It was absolute bliss; felling the wind in my hair and my toes, water splashing in my face, looking up through the spray at the beauty of the place I call home, and looking up at the boat and seeing two of my favorite people, I could almost pretend all was right with the world for a few moments!!

As my face began to feel tight from smiling and sun, Auntie and I jumped into her car and she drove me back into town to meet up with my friends Jared and Michelle (the little people). At Michelle's work I thanked Auntie profuesly and hopped in with my friends. We stopped at the liquor store for Vanilla Stoli, and Safeway for Veggieburgers and fruit for blender drinks. After a quick dip in the pool we ate our burgers and drank out blender drinks poolside, overlooking Okanagan lake (did I mention bliss?) It is 930 am now, they have gone to work and my dad isn't picking me up until 2. The sun is shining and if I lean over I can see the pool glistening in the sun....why am I sitting at this compu....

Saturday, July 16, 2005

BOYS ARE STUPID, THROW ROCKS AT THEM!!

Since I arrived in my home and native land four weeks ago I have hardly heard from my boy at all. I had two very short, straight to the point emails, and one strained msn. The little while before I left things had been a bit rough, but as he wouldn't talk to me about it I had no idea just how rough they were. The week before I left things were a little better, and I was feeling ok about our 6 weeks apart; time to reflect, miss each other and maybe start anew...I guess that was wishful thinking. I had not heard from him since July 2, so last week I emailed him letting him know that I was feeling a bit weird, and would try to call, but an email once in awhile would be nice. I tried calling, no answer, forward to voice mail...no email. I wrote another email "am I missing a really big hint here?" laid it out on the line, "are you just caught up in your own shit, if so, I really need a bit more than this, or is it over, I need to know" Guess what he wrote back....yeah, nothing!

So here I am trying to enjoy what time I have with my family (right now I am down in the Kooteney's visiting my favorite uncle, and his rugrats 6,11,13) and doing my best not to be overwhelmed by the fact that I may be on the receiving end of the most passive dump in history and might be going back to that weird and strange country that I call home single for the first time in 3 years. Even better, I might be completely over reacting, and looking like a spazzy hysterical girlfriend.

Topping this all off, the other night I went out with my friend Kathy. We went to a pub and had a few pints with a former professor of ours and ended up going to the local night club with him. I experienced the worst reverse culture shock since my return. It was a veritable cougarfest!! Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a familiar face in the corner of the club. It was a boy that I had had a HUGE crush on for about 5 years, Shawn. We had started hanging out when his exgirlfriend became pregnant with his kid, and things came to a screeching halt. I had seen him around a few times since, and although he was still able to make my knees week with that steely gaze nothing ever came of it, and I left for Europe a year or so later.

I avoided even looking at that area of the bar. Just as we were about to leave he came up and gave me a big hug. I guess my disdain for the place was apparent to all because the first thing he said was to assure me that he was not living in town, and did not frequent this fine establishment. We chatted for awhile and his friend came up and invited us over to his place for a beer. We all hung out for a bit, discussed music, drank beer...good times. Kathy quite suddenly decided to go home, and within seconds Shawn's friend let us know that he was going to bed. Shawn reading my body language remarkable well reassured me that he wasn't going to hit on me. I told him that I had a boyfriend. He then, as only boys who know you have a boyfriend do, told me all the things that I would have killed to hear 7 years ago. After a few minutes of hearing just how cool I am, he asked if he could kiss me. I told him that it was time for me to go home. He gave me a ride home and gave me his phone number saying he would love to 'just hang out, just friends'!

WHAT THE F*CK!!??!!?? So now here I am feeling like shit for getting myself in a situation that I should never have been in, feeling like shit because my boyfriend feels that I am a disposable accessory to his life, feeling like shit because, although I didn't do anything wrong, there was part of me that wanted to, and what the hell...Shawn knew I had a boyfriend, what is with saying all that crap when I have made in very clear that I AM NOT going to sleep with him? (I know I shouldn't have been there anyway, but come on!!)....here I am being painfully faithful to a guy that isn't even acknowledging my existence......

boys are stupid (and so am I!!)

Monday, July 11, 2005

MY DAD'S A SUPAH STAH!! (shameless plug)

We arrived at my Grandma's place in beautiful British Columbia on fri evening. My dad's band is releasing a CD and the launch was this weekend. As a lot of family was staying at his place I stayed at Gram's for the weekend. We decided to go to the Sat night concert so I said I said I would babysit my cousin's gorgeous babby for the night(and with my mom and Grams there, I hardly got to touch babby, my kind of babysitting!). Sat I went shopping with my 2 aunts on my dad's side. I hadn't seen the one since before I went to Europe, so it's been like 5 years...Cool day!

My aunt on my mom's side came up from Van for the concert (I love that although they celebrated there 25th divorce anniversary this year my dad, mom and their families remain close!!) so Sat evening Mom, Grammy, Auntie Dale, Uncle #6 Norm, and I headed down to the theatre. My friend Kathy drove up from Vancouver for the event and met us there. In the lobby before the show I started to get excited....I saw Therese, my dad's girlfriend (who I LOVE!!) and all the wives of the band members, I ran into an ex of my dad's who I was close to and so many people that I had not seen in years.

So there in the front row was Kathy, me, Grandma (dad's ex mother in law), Auntie Dale (ex sister in law), Norm, Kelly (ex girlfriend), and Bev (sister of ex girlfriend). The lights went down and after a totally sycophantic introduction,to thunderous applaud, strode three of my favourite men in the world. I had not seen my dad in over a year and I got unexpectedly teary.

My dad's band, The Lent, Fraser Wall Trio (www.lentfraserwall.com), consists of two acoustic guitars and vocals. My dad is the rhythm guitarist, and in a band with no base or drums it's a pretty important position!! Neil is the lead guitarist and this man plays with such intensity, grace and sheer talent that he often gives me goosebumps. He is a guitar teacher and this man lives music!! John is the vocalist. He is a creative writing prof at the University and has published a few books of poetry and novels. He can paint such an amazing picture with worlds that most of his songs actually have a visual aspect for me. As far as a genre they fall somewhere between blues, jazz and folk, not so easy to pigeon hole! All three of them are these friendly, funny, goofy, self-deprecating local celebrities.

During the first number I made eye contact with Neil and got one of his warm smiles and a wink. During the second number John spotted me and gave me one of his cheeky smiles. After that song John started in with the "There are so many people here that we love, Shelby's daughter Angie here (they still call me Angie)" My dad looks up "Angie's here!!! Where is she?" John and Neil both point me out. I prepare to give a big wave when dad jumps up and jumps off the stage and give me a huge hug and kiss with spotlight on us and 250 people applauding! What a mix of emotion...crying with joy, embarrassed, and worried that my skirt was stuck up my ass in front of 250 people!! Kathy was teary, my mom and grandma were bawling and John says "I think your daughter is here somewhere too!" I love them!!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

BALLOONS

We spent this weekend out at the lake/park. It was Canada and there were some great celebrations for small town Saskatchewan: fireworks, beer gardens, bands, cabarets, face painting, clowns and of course balloons. I am not sure why, but ever since I was little, the sight of a balloon floating away makes me really sad, and slightly anxious. I can remember getting teary watching some other kids balloon floating into the distance. Maybe I still relate to the fear of losing my own balloon. That knot could not be tight enough around my wrist, and I still had to hang on to it in my fist. Letting go of the balloon to let my wrist feel full the full tension of the floating balloon would make my stomach do flip flops....It is the same feeling I get when I (or watch somebody else) hold something out a high window or off a bridge...No matter how securely I hold it turns my whole body to jelly. I am a psych major, I should be able to analyze this. I have never heard of it as a phenomenon though...Anyone else?

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Life in a Small Town

My first day here, also the hottest day they have had here in years, was rough. The two hour time change from BC to Saskatchewan added new life to my jet lag! I tried to watch a movie with one of the town kids (who is not really a kid anymore, she's 19) and she left cause I kept snoring. I managed to stay away till 11 but I had some visitors at about 2:30 am. Mom had been working at the bar that I used to work at and she woke me up to tell me that some of the local boys wanted to have a drink with me. I couldn't get up, so they crawled in with me...Good times!

At 8:30 Thurs morning mom again woke me up (I was getting grumpy) to tell me that my brother Kevin was on the phone. I spoke to him and he was on his way down. Hurrah! Not grumpy anymore!!! When he got out of his truck I ran out to hug him. He ran, so I chased him around the truck and he ran and hugged mom who was standing there. He said that she had to go first, cause if she didn't she would only get left-over, then I got the best hug I have had in over a year!!!

In the past week we have hung out at the bar quite a bit because mom has been working (it started as a favour to the owners, but she enjoys it so much that it has turned into a regular thing) so there has been a lot of bullshitting and complaining about the weather! We have gone out for lunch in neighboring towns a few times, had a few Blizzards and even went golfing one day, and fishing another. We rented a little boat and I was just going to go along for the ride so I mostly drove the boat. Both of them were getting a little annoyed with me nearing the end of the day. Three times one of them handed me there rods to hold because they were helping the other one, or just needed a break. Within seconds I had a bite. By the third time they were not even believing me. It was really very amusing until Kevin told me that I had fishy finger....hmm! But we caught our limit that day and even had to throw a few back because they were too big!! That night we had a gorgeous huge fry up of pickerel and bannock...mmmm bannock!

Overall it has been a great visit so far. It took Kevin and I a few days to find our feet again and there were a few tense moments. I think we are pretty good now, which I am happy about. I am almost 32 years old, I don't want to be fighting with my little brother. Not to mention that I only see him once a year or so. He is one of my favourite people in the whole world, I certainly don't want to spend my time with him angry!! My mom and I have long since worked out our differences, and although she drives me nuts sometimes, we don't usually have any real tensions! They are playing Kaiser behind me, so I hear some friendly banter, there is a ham cooking in the oven, so the smell has permeated the house...All is right with the world!