He is dating someone...

"Tell me, what did you like about me?
And don't say my strength and daring
Cause now I think I'm at your mercy
And It's my first time for this kinda thing

I used to be a superhero
I would swoop down and save me from myself
You were like phone booth that I somehow stumbled into
Now look at me, I am just like everybody else"

Punk Goth

What Kind of Goth Are You?
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AAARRRRGGGG!!

My goddess!!! I forgot how much I think about sex when I first stop getting it!! I am comforted to remember that this obsessiveness fades with time because it is infiltrating my thoughts at the most inopportunte times. Nothing worse than getting a really hot visual while standing in front of a room of 4 years olds!! Highlight of my day is revving the engine of my scooter at the red lights!! (and I am not a complete perv, other girls have confirmed the "scooter love"- ok i am a perv, but not the only one!!!)

Someone in our neighborhood died. I know this because they sent up a sort of tent outside the apartment. In the tent they burn fake money for the gods, have a giant picture of the dead person, and a set of the person's clothes sitting on a chair. There is always someone sitting there with the picture, clothes and burning money-for nearly two weeks.
The other morning I dragged my ass out of bed at 7:30 so that I could go meet the garbage and recycling trucks. Tuesday and Friday mornings they park outside our apartment for half an hour in the morning, so it saves chasing them down when you hear the "music". I knew something was up as soon as I looked at Pao Pao with her ears back. From inside the apartment I could hear the firecrackers and chanting (remember 7:30 AM!!!). Down on the street the road is blocked off by 2 garbage trucks, a giant tent and a bunch of people in what looks like KKK robes. I had seen this part before, but it still took me off guard that early in the morning!!
I went back upstairst to get ready for work. When I desended the 4 flights of stairs 2 hours later I heard what I could have sworn was a marching band. Low and behold....it was a marching band. Women in all shapes and sizes, in orange polyester miniskirts and white platform shoes were prancing around with trombones and trumpets. This is a funeral like I have never seen. I felt like Alice in Wonderland!

Lea-La

I came to this page with the best intition of writing a post. And I have been sitting here for 5 min...there is stuff stuff going on that I have strong feelings about, but it is not my stuff. I feel like I need to let them sort some of it out before I speak about it on a public forum. But I will say that I have a totally amazing cousin here with me. Our relationship ebbs and flows as far as time spent together, but despite that I don't know what I would do without her here. She has the most beautiful, sensitive, insightful soul and a heart that reaches out to almost everyone. Not much could make me angrier than someone fucking around with that heart!!

*sigh*

All in all, life is pretty good right now. The weather has cooled off. Although it is still what most people would call 'hot' during the day, the edge has come off it, the humidity is down, and the evenings are gorgeous. I sleep with my duvet, and with out the a/c!! So exciting!

I have been super busy as I have been subbing full time at a kindergarten. I am there 9:30-11:30, have till 2 before I have to leave for my afternoon evening job. In this time I take Chinese lessons 2 days a week, walk the dog, eat some luch, drink a watermelon juice....I like this time. I then drive to my afternoon evening job to start at 2:30 till 8:30, home by 9...I am actually tired when I get home and have been sleeping, unassisted, very well.

I plan to have a quiet weekend...a drive to the mountains and hike to a waterfall, and the jazz festival starts this weekend. It is a really cool thing for Taichung. 2 adjacent parks have a couple stages set up with free concerts and different booths set up. Last year we only caught the last couple days, but this year I plan to hit the full 3 weeks!!!

I finally spoke to my brother today. I miss him like crazy! This was the first time we spoke since James moved out. We didnt even really address it, and it was just a nice conversation. He was having trouble sleeping (runs in the family) and wanted me to just talk. I was walking the dog, so I was just describing the things that were around me. He said that he figured he would be able to sleep by the end of it. He said that everything I was saying required him to use his imagination so much that he was ready for sleep.

So yes, a good day in Taiwan. Of course still sad, but learning to live with it and keeping it in perspective. Conversations like the following help. My grandpa died 2 years ago, almost to the day... Grandpa was this larger than life sort of guy and my grandma is not really getting over it. She totally rocks, and we msn quite often. Today I was having a group conversation with her and my mom, and she made me cry...again. For the record, the racist comment is just one of those unintentional generational non pc figures of speech...she does this thing quite often, and worse really, but not a reflection on how she would treat anyone!!


Grandma: Have you found another honey?
Angela: Have been keeping very busy
Angela: Not even remotely looking
Grandma: That's what I always say so I know what that means in white man's lingo
Angela: What does it mean?
Grandma: I had my honey and now I am ok
Angela: you should be a translator
Grandma: good eh?
Mom: I think she is
Angela: you made me cry
Grandma: me too!
Mom: No kidding

Tagged!!

I have been tagged by Janestarr

Rules are as follows:
Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place;add your blog's name in the #5 spot;
link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.


1. Never promised you a rose garden
2. ShutterJane
3. SwissTwist
4. Unraveling the Princess
5. I'm a Rainbow Too

Next: select four new friends to add to the pollen count.(No one is obligated to participate and anyone can play if they want to).

1. Much Ado About Sumtin!
2. Skarredblog
3. Just Another Random Thought
4. Little Fluffy Clouds

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I had just moved back to BC after failing out of Uni in Saskatchewan. I was partying through the hurt of my step-father's death. Booze, bud (not the beer) and boys were the theme of this time period. Fairly self destructive, but never crossing "that line", and really a lot of fun!!

What were you doing one year ago?
James and I had just moved into this apartment. I was in love and blind! Leah and Dave lived across the hall, and we were in the early stages of 'the bubble'. We did everything together! I was really happy during this time period!

What were you doing yesterday?
I got up early to take down the recycling and garbage (they do not pick it up here, you must go down and meet the truck that announces its arrival with 'Greensleaves' blaring) Found a mouse in the trap and had to send a text to all the boys we know to 'deal' with it (felt like SUCH a girl!!) Taught Kindergarten, raced home to pick up Pao Pao and go to my Chinese lesson over lunch. Race home again to drop off Pao Pao and head off to my afternoon/evening job. That one was mostly spent making, and putting up Halloween decorations. Home for a chat with Lisa and Leah before an early night in bed.

5 snacks you enjoy
1. Cheese!!
2. dips of all kinds-guacamole, hummos, tzatziki, salsa, spinach dip mmmm
3.real popcorn with butter and salt
4. potato chips-ketchup, salt and vinager or dill pickle
5. olives

5 songs you know all the words to
1. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
2. Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
3. We're Going to be Friends- WhiteStripes
4. Angry Anymore - Ani Difranco
5. Don't Get Your Back Up - Sarah Harmer

5 things you would do if you had a million dollars
1.Travel - probably working for different NGOs-but go home on a regular basis
2.Pay of my dad's and brother's debts
3. Buy some property in the Kootneys or the Okanagan (Uncle John's, Leah?)
4. of course do some shopping
5. I know that it is boring, but I would definitely invest some of it!!

5 things you like doing
1. Dancing- home, out...doesn't matter
2. Reading
3. Travelling
4. Camping
5. Hanging out- with Paopao, good friends, family...I like just chillin' when I can

5 bad habits
1. Procrastinating
2. Driving to fast
3. Road Rage
4. disorganization (is that a habit????)
5. Bossiness

5 things you would never wear again
I want to note that I realize as soon as I write these they will be on the runway. We will all be wearing them within a year!!
1. Styrup pants
2. Spandex
3. Acid Wash
4. Scrunchies
5.pleated pants


5 favourite toys
1. Mp3 player
f2. Laptop
3. My cell phone
4. digital camera...but its broken
5. i guess my scooter

Random Reflections

I just realized that James is back in like a week. He was only going for 2 apparently, not the 3 I was picturing. One week in, has anything changed? Yeah, I think a little bit. I know that I am not going to suddenly get over this in a week or two but time apart has given me time look at it through different eyes. I realize why it was so much easier for him to walk away...he wasnt invested. I dont for one second think that he love(d)s me less than I love(d) him. I have full confidence in his love for me, but sorry folks I am going to say it...cliche of all cliches, Love is not enough. Love does not make a relationship. No relationship works without commitment. I am not talking commitment "will you marry me, spend the rest of your life with me, love me forever, make babies with me". What I mean is "right now I love you and am going to treat this relationship like it is going to last". I know things happen, people change, relationships fail, but if you are not going to do what you can to make it work, set yourself up for failure and risk it all, what is the point?

From the first night or two I spent with him I knew that this was different. I knew, and I looked at myself and gave myself permission to get my heart broken. I did not let myself sabatoge it because that is the easy way to go. When he hurt me I did not 'get tough' like I have so many time in the past. I cried, I told him he hurt me, and I forgave him. I conciously went into it like a Sarah Mclaughlin song "and if I feel a rage I won't deny it. I won't fear love". And here I sit.

I am trying to stick with the same philosphy...just a lot more tears lately!! When people ask how I am doing, I tell them. I don't do it in a way that invites a discussion, but if I am feeling shit I say so! I was relieved to talk to my roommate, Lisa, the other day to hear that I am not insane. She shared some heartbreak stories that made me feel so much better with how I am coping.

I am not feeling nearly as overwhelmed by it as I was last week. I had a rough weekend (might have had something to do with me sending him a text the night before he left, inviting him over for....and him not even replying) but the week has given me some perspective. There is a boy at a place that I sub, and apparently we have chemistry...when I get teased about it I get a little girlie and blush and deny it, even though I know it is true. Not thinking anything of it, but I can actually acknowledge chemistry with another boy. The idea of flirting with repercussions does not scare the shit out of me as much at all. Obviously not looking for anything, nor reading too much into anything, but this part of being single feels good...today. Too bad I wasnt in a country where there were actually boys to flirt with!! Knowing my patterns, it is probably a good thing that I am not.

You are MAC!

What (non drugstore) Makeup Brand Are You?
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Happy Thanksgiving

This is just going to be a quick one. I have been trying to post my answers to Steph's survey, but keep getting an error. Last night it dawned on me that the last time I got this error, the post published with my following post...so this is it.

Last weekend was a long weekend in Taiwan...10/10 day, basically Taiwan's birthday. It fell quite nicely in time with Canadian Thanksgiving. We had a few friends over for a pot luck dinner. There was not a turkey to be found, so we settled for a chicken...I don't eat either so it didnt really matter to me. We had ALOT of food. The wine was flowing, the joints were passed. (I feel like crap today!!) It was a mixed bag of people and kinda nice to socialize outside of the comfort zone.

On Sunday Lisa, a friend of hers, PaoPao and I took a drive up to Sanyi, a small "famous" town just north of Taichung. It is known for it's woodcarving so it was pretty much a day of window shopping. I bought a few funky lanters under the guise of Christmas presents (just between you and me, they are ALL for me!!!) I hung them up that night and had one of my more humourous puppy moments. Pao Pao is terrified of balloons. When I blew them up for Leah's birthday her ears went back, she hid under the bed just prior to pissing on the floor. I am pretty sure it comes from them popping and sounding like firecrackers (which there are ALOT of in Taiwan) and thunder. Well the morning after hanging the lanterns, Pao Pao came out of the bedroom and started growling with her ears back, toward the window. I though maybe someone was coming up the stairs or something so I went over to see and realized that she was growling at the lantern. Oh bless, I tried to soothe her, and bring her the lantern to smell and realize it wasn't a balloon. As soon as I took it down she let out a yelp and ran under the bed. I couldnt help but burst out laughing...I have my own little Albert!!!

Well not as quick as I anticipated. I am going to have a nap now...lets see if we get a survey out of this too...

Tagged by Steph!

7 things I plan to do before I die
1)Have a "real job"
2) Make at least one babby
3) Spend time on each continent (kay I'm not fussed about antarctica...but it would be cool to say that I have been there!)
4) Get my SCUBA cert.
5) Learn to speak a second language-FLUENTLY!
6) Indulge in one or a couple sexual fantasies that I won't go into detail about because there are people who read this who really don't need details!!!
7) Tap into my creative/artistic side (i know it's in there SOMEWHERE!!!)

7 things I can do

1)Cook an impressive meal
2) stay afloat in almost any social situation
3) knit a scarf (well half of one...sorry dave, i will finish it before you go!)
4) Make a stranger smile
5) Read a map/find my way around a strange city
6) Travel by myself
7) Teach small children to speak a second language

7 things I cannot do

1) Be a morning person
2) hurt someone's feelings intentionally, even when I really don't like someone, for valid reasons, and I have their achillies heal in sight...i just can't do it
3) eat a meal without spilling all over myself
4) laugh discretly
5) have regular sleeping patterns (i am with you steph...GRRR!!)
6) immitate accents...they all sound irish, and that's only cause I lived there
7) write poetry, play music, draw a picture that looks like anything

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

1) Ability to make me laugh
2) Appreciate my ability to make them laugh
3) Not afraid to be goofy...I hate the "too cool for school" mentality
4) Intelligence
5) Good style...that balance between well groomed but not TOO well groomed!!
6) gernerosity and thoughtfulness...in all aspects of the relationship
7) Electric eye contact

7 things I say most often

1) "How are you today" "I am fine thank you and you?" (comes from being an english teacher...also "What's your name" "How old are you" "How's the weather today")
2) ting bu dong (chinese: i don't understand)
3) I think not.
4) Boys are stupid!!
5) "Bew Ku EE" ( shouted at Pao Pao-chinese for Don't do that)
6) Inconceivable (kay I don't actually say that, but I couldnt think of one more, and I saw the movie the other day, and it was all that kept going through my head when I was trying to think of things that i say)
7) "What the f*ck? Where the f*ck are you going..open your f*cking eyes you *ss licking sh*t head,What is wrong with you.....(you get the drift!)

7 celebrity crushes

1) Vince Vaugn
2) Johnny Depp
3) Shannyn Sossamon
4) Colin Farrell
5) Ben Harper
6) Angelina Jolie
7) Rory Cochrane (I can't believe they killed him off CSI MIAMI, anyone know what he is up to now?)

people who need to do this
both just because they havent been posting NEARLY enough lately!

1) Bella from next door...Little Fluffy Clouds
and
2)Luv from Luvish
and anyone else who happens to read this thing and would like to share...

SWEET DREAMS!!!

Thanks for all of your thoughts and concern. I am holding up ok! I played on some slippery ground again this weekend, but this time managed to stay on my feet. I know that I should avoid the situation all together, but IT IS HARD!! It is probably a good thing that said slippery surface is going home to New Zealand this week, for three weeks. I think the time apart will be good. We havent made much of a point to see each other, but when we are out together it is so hard not to gravitate to him. He is still my favourite person in the room. I can not even imagine seeing him and being all "Yeah James, I used to have a scene with him."

Through all of this I am realizing that I may have some repressed anger towards him. It pisses me off! When we were good, we were really good. We had (have) a connection that was visible even to strangers. And now it is over, and he has some new room mates, and he has new job, and he is happy, and that is it. No fight for us, no looking where we went wrong and fixing it. I am not saying I dont think we should have broke up, we needed to. It wasnt working the way it was and he didnt think that he could do what I needed, and I wasnt willing to sacrifice what I needed. It just all seems so easy for him, feels so shit for me.

I have had some pretty intense dreams this past few weeks. They are actually what made me take a look at the anger. The first one was mad, but I thought it a one off. In my dream a large group of us were lounging on some couches and sleeping. I opened my eyes to see James making out with a friend of ours who recently moved back to England and I had one breif neurotic moment about in real life (that never left my head). In my dream I picked up a wine bottle and smashed both their faces....nice.

Second dream I was making out with James, but he had a new girlfriend, that I knew about but I believed that I was 'the real one' or whatever. All of a sudden this girl walks up (and although it wasnt her, she had the 'feel' of this girl that James was with when we were apart then showed up on our doorstep) and freaks out, and apparently she is also sleeping with him. I just remember feeling totally used and betrayed and like my whole world was a lie. I was flipping out and screaming and throwing things at both girls and James...hmmm.

Third dream was just the other night. This Taiwanese girl that I knew James was friends with came and asked me to go for lunch. Over lunch she shared with me that she had been, well, giving James head for months, long before we had broken up. Our friend Andrew had introduced them, and Dave had known about this all along. I burst into Dave and Leah's place screaming and throwing things. One look at Leah and I knew that she hadnt known, but I made Dave admit that he knew, and proceeded to throw a oil burner at his head. I ran downstairs to see Andrew and Ryno standing there. I walked up to Andrew and punched him in the face so hard that he fell and didnt get up. I turned to Ryno and sobbed in his arms. I woke up sobbing.

Represss much? Oh, maybe just a little!!

Seduce

My new job leaves me several hours a day to play on the internet....I thought this result was especially funny, as I was just thinking last night that I had lost all powers of seduction that I may have once had.... Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?