I'm a Rainbow Too!

"Reality continues to ruin my life." - Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes.

Monday, September 25, 2006

And So I Wait

I told him that I love him. I told him that he is with me at all times. I told that I can't do it anymore. I can't hold on to a ghost anymore. I cannot sit and wait for that inescapbable heartbreak. For the days to turn to weeks, the weeks to months. To wonder why he didnt say I love you on that last call, to wonder if the friend he is going for drinks is the the girl that will help him get over me.

I also told him that we have a choice. At the end of this year we are both relatively unrestricted. We could, if we wanted, decide to be in the same place. Our fate is not predestined, it is a choice either way.

I also told him that whatever happens, whatever he feels he is capable of right now, I am certain of his love for me. I am not certain that we have what it takes to make it in the real world, but I would forever regret not trying. I need to know at the end of the day, that I did what I could to have our chance. If he can't jump, if he is not ready though, I need to step back. I need to let go of him, and I need him to let go of me.

He emailed me back almost immediately. He told me that he is loading up the moving van to drive from Oxford to Cardiff, and register for Uni later today. He told me that he needs some time to sort through his thoughts and feelings and write me back properly. He told me he loves me.

My heart has been racing for 12 hours straight. I don't know which scares me more, him saying yes, he is ready to take this leap of faith, or no, he is not. One is an upheaval of my plans, my future, the other is an upheaval of my heart. I don't know what he will say. I suspect that he is not ready for this, but I am prabably, in part anyway, trying to prepare myself for the worst.

And so I wait...

Friday, September 22, 2006

Working for the Mob



No, really!! Organized crime is a big part of life in Taiwan. The police collect "donations" from small businesses. Schools regularly slip newspapers, with envelopes in them, to the police to turn a blind eye for infractions. Prostitution is illegal, but 'special' KTVs (karaoke) bars are run by people that pay the right people. Well it seems that organized crime has felt the need to diversify...Into kindergartens. The head hancho guy at my school (I have only seen him twice) also owns one of the biggest 'special' KTVs in town.

My friend was on a field trip with her students, one of which was the grandson of the founder of my school. As they drove by the aforementioned bling bling KTV the grandson looks up and says "My grandpa's office is in there!" Smirks on the teachers all around. Another student looks thoughtful for a moment and remarks "My mommy says that, that is a bad place to go." Grandson shrugs and they move on to another topic. My friend could hardly contain herself, and neither could I when she told me.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The Little Things


Sometimes I wonder if I am cut out to be a teacher. I mean, I know I am good at it, and I adore the kids. It is just that sometimes I question if my maturity is at a level that I should be put in charge of forming these young minds. I am pretty sure that they are more mature than me sometimes.

The student in the picture is Steven. He is not the brightest, most well behaved boy but he is FULL of love. He can be in trouble one minute and giving you cuddles the next. No grudges here. He is cute even in his naughtiness. He is not sneaky or mean, he is a bit of a typhoon; loud, and enthusiastic.

As you can see, he has the chubbiest cheeks on any asian child I have seen. I have wanted to bite them since I laid eyes on him. Today he was sitting on my lap giving me a cuddle I told him that I wanted to bite his cheeks. He laughed and told me that his dad always bites his chin. Feeling slightly less wierd, I asked if I could bite his cheeks. He laughed and said no. "Pleeeaaase Steven, can I bite your cheek?" A lightbulb went off and a confident grin crossed his face. "You can bite me if I can have a candy." Deal!!

It was the most satisfying thing I have done in ages!!!

Later that afternoon I caught him in his school bag eating animal crackers. We have a strict rule about bringing treats to school unless they are to share. Being as they are my favorite, I asked for an animal cracker. When he said no I told him if he didnt I would tell Teacher Ella (my Chinese Teacher). I got my animal cracker and had a good laugh about it with Teacher Ella later.

What kind of example am I ??? At least I am having fun!!

edit: This morning I walked into class. Steven wrapped himself around my leg and said, in his best English "Teacher, you can use my this [pointing at his cheek] if you give me one more candy" I managed to resist, but we will see how the afternoon goes!!

They use the word use anytime they dont know the correct verb. Often you hear students.."Teacher, Jimmy used me here!!"

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Drivel

The irony of it, when I have the time to post, I don't have anything to post about. The weeks fly by here. I live in the land of perpetual Friday. A good thing in theory, but it makes for a frightening time warp!!

This week was spent working a lot. This semester I have a homeroom class at my kindergarten. I see the same 15 monsters everyday, all day. I taught them a few times a week last semester, but in the month I have been a homeroom teacher I have gotten so much closer. They are so sweet sometimes it makes my heart ache!! They range in age from 4-6 and their level of english is pretty good and improving fast. The other day one of my students told the rest of the class to "zip it". They are such sponges!!

It has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, that has left me flat. KF sorted out his mobile, so we have been texting as he tours Europe. I am going to need to talk to him once he gets back to real life. We are going to have to either step back or decide to work towards something. Daily communication with profesions of love without any sort of promise is reeking havoc on me. When I do go a day without a text my imagination kicks in; some cute funny hippy chick- a great distraction in effort to get over the girl you left behind. And the thing is, he has every right to do that. If he was just some friend, it would be the course of action I would reccomend...aaarrgghh!!

In other news, the gang is all back. Dave had gone to the Gili Islands for 6 weeks. He returned in time for Leah to leave for Canada for nearly 6 weeks. Lisa is finally back from her 2 month trip home, too. Looking forward to having my people around me again!!

So yeah, that is my drivel for the week. I'll work on a more exciting week for my next post!!