Reflections on a Fantastic Weekend

I have had the BEST couple days...hurrah!

Friday night I stayed in to finish the paper I am writing for the online course I am taking. It is 4 weeks overdue (I am the QUEEN of extensions) and has been hanging over my head and nagging at my self worth for about 2 months. It's done, I feel good about it, and I am even more sure about this program.(online mutli-disciplinary palliative care certificate).

He came over for a bit as he was going out with dave and leah for drinks. It was awkward and strained, but oh well. I went to bed at about 2 and my step dad visited me. Alexis was killed in an accident 13 years ago now. He and my mom had been together for 10 years, and he and I had a special bond. I have a picture of us dancing at my highschool graduation and the pride on his face brought tears to my eyes even when he was alive. Since he died he has visited me a few times in my dreams. It is different then a normal dream though. Friday night he asked me to hand him a 1/8 wrench, whatever that means. As soon as I said "here you go Al" I realized I was dreaming, and that he wasnt really supposed to be there, and it was stolen time and that I just had to let it fill me up while I could. He was a fixer-a 'monkey'er. So on Friday night, I held in the tears and handed him tools and we fixed stuff together. His hands looked just like I remember them.

Saturday I met my friend Iris to go see her Buddhist master. After some suprisingly comforting rituals, we sat down with this lady who had eyes that pierced my soul. Although Iris was translating she always spoke to me, and looked into my eys. It was brief, but I was left feeling comfoted and elated at the same time. She told me I had a beautiful heart. She told me things I already knew, but needed to hear. He was not the man for me, I gave more than he did, time to move on. She told me that I deserve a better, higher paying job. She blessed (?) some money to burn, put the ash in hot water, let the ash settle and take 3 sips of the water. This is for when I need a mood elevation - I have been a bit down. She was wonderful.

Saturday night my friend had a "let's french" party. French costume, french food, some brutal attemts at the language. I went Bridgette Bardot-ish. Leah and I went for a lovely hair wash and I had a sexy buffaunt going on. It was a great night where I met people that I didnt know, touched base with others that I know but don't see often enough. I flirted my ass off, have a date for next weekend and had this guy - who most people think is hot, but I always said was cute, but not my type, too boyish , who I had only properly met that night - come tell me he was leaving and then "I want to tell you that you look absalutely ravishing tonight." RAVISHING!! How fucking cool is that? Not beautiful, not sexy - ravishing. Boys, for the record, that is a good one. That's one way to become my type quickly..haha! My friend Holly and I danced till 5 and back to mine for a girlie sleepover. Sunday was breakfast with the girls, submit my paper, over to another friend, Ruth's for pizza and movies. Chilling out hangover day. Purrfect ending to really, a perfect weekend.

OH, OH, OH...tea with ruth tonight. Little bit of talk about him, and it dawned on me, and I said it out loud (and then cried, but that's not the point)

"I am glad that I am not with him anymore"

wow!! yay! It feels so good. No regrets, no annomosity, just happy that it turned out this way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A RAINBOW LEFT TAIWAN...

...and it is slightly greyer as a result. It is a part of life living here. You make friends-beautiful, kind true friends, and then they leave. Ryno is my first close one and I am sadder than expected-we all are! (it was the subject of both leah and dave's posts today!)I feel especially bad for his partner in crime and fellow animal-Andrew. (ryno is the dark, andrew the blonde)They were each other's wing men and joined at the hip. A favourite night of mine was when we were out dancing at the club. The two of them stood off to the side looking liking they were conspiring an evil plan when the both approached me. Andrew stepped forward and announced "ang we were talking, and...you are one of us!" I dare not think of the possible implications of that statement and go with --awwe bless, they actually discussed it too!

For some really unknown reason it took us awhile to warm to ryno, but once we did there was no holding back. Polite and unassuming all of the girls have a bit of crush on him. Me being the jackass that I am, went out drinking and dancing with him last week, and lamented on having to find a new crush once he left!!! He taught us how to say dirty things in Afrikans - SEIG MIE PIEL for the boys (Suck my cock)EIK SIEG PIEL for the girls (I suck cock), then made us t-shirts before he left! He was my safe place if I was feeling a little too fucked up when I went out. He is missed already.

And this is only going to get worse. Dave is leaving in 6 weeks. I can't help to reflect back to this time last year. James, Dave, Leah and I were the bubble, and Andrew and Ryno were the animals that added some spice to the mix. It is all changed now. I am sad today. I know that this is all part of the lifestyle I have chosen, and I know that if I hadnt chosen this life people like Dave, Andrew, Ryno and even James would have never come into my life, and I wouldnt change a thing-but today I am sad.

bitchiness continued

A glib comment on Steph's blog lead to some heated discussion, which lead to some thought on my part. It was to do with being bitchy to guys at the bar.

I definitely can be a bitch. I have a sharp tongue, I come from a family of sharp tongues - there is a bit of a 'if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen' attitude, especially with my mom! But it is usually directed at one of two catagories in this boys at bar context - those that can take it, and those that deserve it (both obviously subjective judgements, with room for error).

The ones that can take it, are the ones that can give it back. I slag you off, you sag me off- a very retarded form of flirting...I LOVE it!! I am so my mother's daughter this way, but if someone is up for the challenge I totally get off on some witty banter. I realize that I cross the line sometimes- especially with a few drinks in me, but again, it is usually someone who I have established a good battle with already and he will usually role with it. When in doubt I have Leah- my "you are approaching the line of just plain mean" conscience!

The ones that deserve it are a whole other scene. It is usually a reactionary thing- either they are giving it to one of mine, or are just plain pricks. Two types of guys really push my buttons!! You know the types- 1. overtly hitting on every chick in sight but being nasty behind their backs.... the "your tits are huge!" guys. Really, fuck, where did they come from...thanks for telling me!" 2. Then their is the 'too cool for school' guys. Usually have some girl hitting on them, but they are playing it cool, even nasty, but will shag them anyway, if nothing better comes along. These ones sometimes have some intelligence behind them but for some reason don't think bust size could be anthing but inversely correlated with IQ. Oh, you want to talk down your nose to me do you???

By no means am I saying that all guys fall into one of these catagories. There are really only a few, and they are not always like that I am sure-bad night, bad break up, whatever- but acting out as a complete asshole. And usually these guy's friends are my best audience. I like to start with something subtle, with a smile. They think you might be taking the piss, but they are not quite sure. Some eye contact with the friends-they know this guy deserves it, they know he is asking for it. All done with a smile, with lots of laughter. I rarely go for the obvious, (receding hair line, height was an exeption, and he was a really good looking guy, with a slightly receding hairline, and about 5'8", only slightly shorter than me) and I always stop if the guys catches on and ego is deflated. I have actually made friends this way (???), where a guy will give an "ok, ok, you win" and shake hands and lose the attitude.

I don't go looking for this. When I go out, I go out to be with my friends and have a good time. Every once in awhile though, I come face to face with an ego so big that I can't help myself - especially with some drinks in me. I am not proud of it, but I have to say, I usually enjoy it.

Anyway...went and saw Harry Potter last night (Goldclass) with my fun crush, that is leaving the country tomorrow- so sad, now I have to find a new crush. Loved it! Heromine is getting totally hot! I really wish Quiddich could be a real game- it looks SO cool!

I broke by bed the other day- no exciting story even. It was put together wrong, and it broke-boring. But I took the mattress off last night to fix it, and realized the hammer wasnt going to be enough and would have to get him over with the drill to fix it. So I am camping on the floor. Now I have been so good about not letting Pao Pao sleep on the bed. It has been tempting since he moved out, but I resisted. I know it is a real hard habit to break. But since I had my mattress on the floor, I figured it was different-it was so nice. After some initial excitement she curled up with her head across my stomach sighing and groaning. (my dog sighs and groans with contentment, it is really endearing, but odd-cause i do it too!!)

So that is my couple of days. I am a bitch that went on an undate then curled up with her puppy!! huh!

The Colour Quiz

Colour Quiz as stolen from Leah who stole it from Penny

I am supposed to be writing a paper, so I took this quiz a couple times (in the name of varifying the results). Almost the same outcome everytime, and remarkably accurate- except maybe the 'not getting involved in an aruguement' part..


Your Existing Situation
Volatile and outgoing. Needs to feel that events are developing along desired lines, otherwise irritation can lead to changeability or superficial activities.


Your Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and of separation from others. Believes that life still has far more to offer and that she may miss her share of experiences if she fails to make the best use of every opportunity. She therefore pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity and commits herself deeply and readily. Feels herself to be completely competent in any field in which she engages, and can sometimes be considered by others to be interfering or meddlesome.


Your Restrained Characteristics
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.



Your Desired Objective
Needs a peaceful environment. Wants release from stress, and freedom from conflicts or disagreement. Takes pains to control the situation and its problems by proceeding cautiously. Has sensitivity of feeling and a fine eye for detail.


Your Actual Problem
Needs to achieve a stable and peaceful condition, enabling her to free herself of the worry that she may be prevented from achieving all the things she wants.


Your Actual Problem #2
Does not wish to be involved in differences of opinion, contention or argument, preferring to be left in peace.

Taiwan Top Ten

I realize that my past couple posts, and really my blog in general has only portrayed the negative side of life in Taiwan. It can be rough here, but I am here for a reason, and there are some wonderful aspects to life in Taiwan. As much for my own benifit as to share I am composing a list of the good things about living in Taiwan....

1. Money - I am making more money for less work then I would ever do at home. For the most part I enjoy teaching English and it affords me a lifestyle that I would have to put years in to get at home (although the downside of that is having to leave it and start at the bottom at home - but we are looking on the upside here!!)

2. Travel - Location, location location!! I can jet off to Hong Kong, Thailand, or Japan for a weekend, I am going to go to either the Philipines or Vietnname for Chinese New Year. Before I go home I plan to do a few months through India, and a loop through Cambodia and Laos. Asia is at my doorstep!

3. Tea - Now when I say tea I am not talking about your conventional british style tea and cookies - no, no, no my friend!! Even within this catagory there are sub catagories. First I am not talking about the hot teas but these cold refreshing, often fruity yummy teas.
a. pu tou yo lu cha and bieshung lu cha. grapefruit green tea and passion fruit green tea respectively. The are more of a light juice than a tea and on a hot day there is NOTHING more refreshing!! You can also get the fruity flavours with black tea, I usually prefer the green, but lemon black tea is a nice change!!
b. nie cha or if you are a we bit peckish jin ju nie cha. Milk tea, best cold, creamy rich and the jin ju is the starch balls that take some getting used to, but if you don't have time to eat...
c. bing chi ling hong cha - the piece de resistance!! I was dubious at the sound of it, and I have had to twist a couple arms just to try it but I have not known ANYONE who didnt LOVE it once they tried it...Ice cream black tea. Basicly a black tea float...sooooo gooood!!! I even have one cousin ( I wonder...) that has to limit herself to one a week in the summer or she would be drinking them every day.

4. GoldClass - from what I understand Bangkok and Taichung are the only 2 cities in either Asia or the world to have this and if you don't have it- I gotta say, you are missing out!!!! It is the pimpin' est movie theatre going. You walk in the doors and they seat you in the lounge area where you are handed a menu to order from. Anything from popcorn to cheesesticks, blackforest cake to champagne is at your fingertips!! After you place your order you are personally ushered to the theatre. The theatre only holds about 30 seats. 30 plush, reclining, lay back and enjoy the show seats!! Not a lot more expensive than the regular theatre, and well worth it for the 'big' shows! (Like Harry Potter this weekend!!!!)

5. Pampering - (comes in 3 catagories)
The first time I went for a hair wash in Taiwan was after the first big typhoon after I arrived. Our water was off for almost a week. We had a huge pail of water that we had filled before the water got cut off that we used to flush when we had to, a couple loads of dishes, and a bit of a 'mexican shower' in the morning. The water in the area of my one school was still on so about 4 days in I was going nuts and booked at the hairdresser to get my hair washed. I was going just for a hair wash but what I got was sooooo much more. It is a full shoulder, neck and head massage!! It only costs like 10 bucks, and it is at any of the ten gazillion hairdressers in Taichung. The one place we go to lie you out on a bed with your head propped up in the sink on the end of it. It is 30-40 minutes of pure bliss!!! Any time we have a big night out, or you're feeling down, or having a girlie day - hair wash!!

24 hours a day,7 days a week I can go to a 'massage parlour' and actually get a massage. Full body, foot massage whatever you fancy. All over the city there are massage parlours to fit your "I have been teaching all day, children who have no desire to learn" muscle aches!

I had heard about the 24 hours spas but you can't really appreciate them until you go. Seperate for girls and boys, and I think a lot of the male ones are gay pick up spots - but the ones for females...sweet! For like 10 bucks Canadian you can stay for 12 hours, and it is just a series of hot tubs, cold pools, saunas and steam baths. You can get all kinds of massage, order food, of just hang out watching movies, there are little berth type beds you can go to sleep in if you like. Pretty much a bunch of naked woman hanging out pampering themselves.

6. Mango Bing - Again bigger than the sum of its parts, but pretty much what I live on in the summer. On the bottom they put some shaved ice, and when I say shaved I don't mean like slushy I mean like snow! Then some sweetened condensed milk topped with fresh mango...OH MY GOD!!! It is pure heaven! I am counting the days until mango is back in season. You can get other fruit bing, but it just doesnt measure up!!

7. My neighborhood - I live in the heart of a city of over a million people that, for the most part, don't speak the same language as me, and I am a part of my community. I remember when I first arrived and didnt have a scooter yet I was walking back from an interview. It was lashing rain and I was dripping! The middle aged lady that sells betul nut on the corner called me under the awning with her to stay dry. Ever since then I get the biggest smile and wave from her daily. She weekly tells me how piaow liang (beautiful) that pao pao is, and has even tried to give me food before. As I walk Pao Pao people call her name and wave to me. The ladies down at the breakfast place on the corner know us all, and have even been know to give me a massage or smack on the ass as I dunkenly inhale dem bing (later) at 5am! And I would like to package Alli from the coffee shop up and take him home with me...I LOVE him!!! I could go on and introduce you to the man in the wheelchair that runs the store downstairs, and our local tea guy and so on, but my point is I like the people in my neighborhood- the people that I meet, as I am walking down the street, the people that I meet each day!

8. Driving - yes, I know that it is also on of the worst aspects of living in Taiwan, but it is also one of the best. I drive a scooter because I can't brink Pao Pao on a motorbike. But even scooter driving is SO MUCH FUN!! When you are not angry, it is like a video game. There are no real enforced rules, so you can zip in and out of traffic, honking all the while to let people know that you are there, pausing at the red lights to see if someone is coming, and off again. My mp3 player playing some nice relaxing tunes piped into my helmut -good times!!

9. Porn Motels - They have these 'love motels' that you can rent by the 4 hour chunk. Drive through reception and underground parking - ideal for the married man out for some fun without his wife...but they are so fuckin sweet. I took the boy before I went home to Canada and once for break up sex. You go up the stairs, expecting plastic sheets and flourescent lighting- instead you see the classiest looking room ever- soft springy bed, nice muted colours, seriously classy rooms. Big screen TV, and then the bathroom - big hot tub with disco lights and of course a built in TV. On this TV is some sweet porn! I am not a big porn chick, but I definitely can appreciate some good porn, and some good porn with a sweetie can make for a pretty good night. Now good porn in a hot tub of a classy motel room makes for a GREAT night!!

10. Night life - Any night of the week, if you are looking for a party, you can find a party! There are always a group of ex-pats numbing their issues somewhere. And it is not just sitting around drowning sorrows, it is full on partying until 5,6,7,8 in the morning. Several of the clubs you can order E at the bar. After a hard night a drinking you can either go get 24 hour teppenyaki, or hit one of the breakfast places that open up about 3. MMMM dem bing - an egg and cheese rolled up in a rice tortilla mmmm!

ok, I could go on, but 10 is such a nice round number!!

If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy...

A few people have said to me that if you can survive a break up in Taiwan, you can do it anywhere. Really its a silly thing to say- of course I am going to survive, I am not going to die, and I am not going anywhere-what else do you do but survive? But there is a point behind it, this is not the real world. The dynamic here is SO much different! First off is the basic demographics. There is not a huge number of foriegners here, and it is a pretty inscestuous group at times. Now the foriegn guys have options. There is a whole contingency of Taiwanese girls waiting to date, or shag a foriegn guy. Even if the Taiwanese guys were into foriegn girls-which for the most part, they are not, most of them are to short, petite and feminine for our taste, not to mention the language barrier which foriegn girls seem more concerned about that foriegn guys. So we have a small number of foriegn guys left, with a large number of foriegn girls.

Some guys deny that there is that much of a difference-or say that it is an even playing field here. The field may be even, but it is a whole different game!! I am not saying that I couldnt get a shag if I really tried, but the fact is, I would have to either try, or lower my standards-not willing to do either at this point. The small number of guys that are left stand back with this too cool come and get it attitude. We put our finger on it the other day. You don't feel sexy going out here. You don't ever feel sexy here. I didnt really notice too much before because of all I could say about 'him', he made me feel sexy!!

It's not that I think I am hot shit by any means but when I walk into a bar at home, or even down the street I feel eyes on my-I feel sexy. When I was in Thailand I smiled at a guy walking down the street and he turned and walked the other way with me. He didnt try and shag me, but he made me feel sexy. When I walk into a pub or bar here, I don't feel myself getting checked out at all - you might get an inviting glance, but I would never want to feed the ego. At home if I am ordering a drink at the bar and a guy comes up beside me, I will often chat-not necessarily even flirting, just a chat. I never do that here because right away these guys assume you are hitting on them. A couple of nights ago Lisa and I were waiting outside the bar for a friend and this average at best guy walks by and said "Sorry ladies, not tonight!" What the fuck!! We weren't looking to pull, we were waiting for our (MALE) friends!! But that is the attitude that prevails here. You might meet a guy, you might chat with someone, you might even get a random shag or snog, but on a daily basis that need for sexual affirmation is not filled. It is not just ego - my students, random young women and even a few groups of young men will walk up to me and tell me that I am beautiful-but I don't feel sexy. I miss feeling sexy!!

I DETEST APATHY!!!

There is one main road going through Taichung-Taichung Gung Lui. It has 6 lanes and then smaller roads going down each side for scooters and cars that are going to turn. I know that I have posted a few times before about driving in Taiwan, but today was especially traumatic and enraging. Leah, Dave and I were driving down Chung Gung when we saw a scooter turned over in the middle of the street. Then we notice a man lying up against the meridian not moving. Cars, scooters and buses continued to fly by hardly even noticing. All three of us pulled off instantly and started yelling at the people that were standing outside the shop just looking to call 119. They all just stood there looking like fucking deer in headlights. I did as were are told-looked directly at one of the ladies in the shop, did the international hand signal for phone and shouted "YI YI JIU" (119) in my angriest, and most authoritative voice and waited until I saw here with the phone in her hand and nodding at me. At a break in traffic I joined Leah and Dave across the street-Dave had moved the scooter. He was breathing-thank fucking god! I have heard stories of people finding dead bodies on the side of the street. A man that had been in the store when the lady went in to phone 119 had joined us in OUR human barracade protecting this poor man from traffic. Our accident victim was still lying with his leg up over the meridian, and his face pressed into the corner. He was trying to speak, but all our new friend could make out was "thank you". Eventually he rolled over and looked at me directly in the eye. I tried to smile reassuringly but it was all I could do to not be sick. I am pretty sure that he is going to lose his one eye. The skin around his eye was all slid back and there was a pool of blood on the road beside him. There was something white oozing out around the socket, and there where ants crawling on him. All the while traffic not even slowing past. Finally the ambulance and police showed up and we gave the lookie-loos one final scowl and were on our way. I have so much rage just thinking about it. Nobody was stopping, the people on the sidewalk werent doing anything...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???!!!!

English Genius You scored 92% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 93% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go! Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

I AM a rainbow too!!!

I am just back and too tired to give a full update, but to say the least-it was perfect. Those are the huts I stayed in on the island. Those are my sandy toes as Bob Marley's "I'm a Rainow Too" is playing-I am in my happy place. And last but not least those are some very lovely, very young boys that I played spin the bottle with later that evening...yes spin the bottle-hadn't played that since grade school, good game, should be a regular drinking game me thinks!!! Good night!!

I AM SOOOO READY FOR THIS

My foresight could not have been better, the timing is PERFECT. When James and I first decided to split I decided that I was going to need a holiday. When we met I was backpacking by myself in Europe, and am dying to have that "I can do anything as I step of the bus/plane/boat by myself" feeling. So my bag is packed-with not much more than a bikini, skirt and an extra bag to fill up with shopping.

I fly out of Taipie at 7:15 and get into Bangkok at about 9:30. Bus to Koa San Road, some shopping and socializing tonight and tomorrow morning then I hope a bus down to Koh Samet...an island a couple hours south of Bangkok. 3 days of beaches, buckets, books...maybe some boys??? (just going with the alliteration-i love alliteration!) Back to Bangkok for some more shopping one more night in Bangkok (makes a hard man humble) and back to the (sur)real world. OOOHHHH HHHUUURRRAAAHHHHH!!

Other news...well this week was rough-Monday was rock bottom. I was a basket case. Halloween was a big one and I indulged (EXcessively) with some next week repercussions. I also caught a flu or something. So Monday morning with an e-over and flu I called James to come and tell him that I couldnt be casual friends right now. I couldnt just have him pop over, I just can't be friends at this paticular moment. I had seen him chatting with a chick on Saturday night and I could tell he fancied her and it was all I could do to maintain composure. Monday morning it comes out that he went out with this chick the night before. I lost it. I don't even remember Monday. I have been writing him letters I will never send and it has helped. Each day was a little better. I have come to some realizations about the relationship, and I am ready to move on. I feel good.

So yeah- Halloween...it was a big one. It was (overall) a good one. We drank, we did drugs, we danced, I flirted, Lisa and I crawled into my bed at 7:30 in the morning and fell asleep holding hands. Some good costumes- Dave was a cigarette packet-but everyone thought he was a robot. Ryno was bird flu, Andrew was a cunt-tree, James was Napoleon Dynamite...This pic is Leah, Lisa and I. Leah is Pippy, Lisa is Carmen Miranda and I am (note the bandages, pills, toothbush, razor, q-tips...) a Medicine Chest....